Like most great lines I write about, this one illuminated a light bulb over my head. Yes, it came the morning after we found something unexpected (something we could not control) on a home inspection for the house we want to sell. But it also stems from a long list. 

Top Five Things I Have No Control Over

1. Both my children are traveling internationally. It is the furthest distance and longest they’ve both ever been away from me at the same time.
2. I’m sorting through a house filled with twenty-two years of memories and crap I probably never needed.
3. I’m finalizing the third draft of my second novel and a letter asking for representation to agents. Both of which may never be read.
4. There’s an MRI in my future I do not want to do, so I haven’t scheduled it. The doctor says it’s probably nothing, I’m just terrified of staying in an MRI machine for more than twenty-five minutes as I barely made it through that last month. I’m waiting to hear back from the doctor on the amount of sedation they can give me.
5. I’m dropping my last child off at college in three weeks.

Yeah, there’s a lot on my mind. So, this line made me feel like the one thing I can control is my wish to control things. If there’s nothing I can do about something, I don’t have to stress over it. Easier said than done.

And yet, the image of standing at the ocean, watching the waves rush to and from the shore, comforts me. The idea that everyone feels the same way as they witness the miracle of the vast body of water liberates me from the dangers of my mind.

Where is my child?

Every parent worries about their child when they’re away from home, especially far away. But I’m thankful for the technology that allows them to message me and send me pictures and I’m even more grateful that they take the time to do so. My parents didn’t have that luxury and we all survived.

Moving = Top Cause of Stress

I knew moving would be stressful, and we’ve just begun. As we sort through the house, I never imagined there would be unpleasant surprises lurking in the shadows. The words, one day at a time, repeat over and over in my head. Others have done this before me, we will get through it and a new adventure is at the end of the road.

Publishing Journey

I could read a story every day about a debut author that finally found a way to publish their book. I know I’m not alone in this process, but it’s still daunting, torturous, depressing, and a whole lot of other negative adjectives. But I’m amazed that I keep opening my laptop and that I wrote and revised a second book. I’m proud of myself. I know the only way to reach my goal is to keep writing, so that’s what I choose.

Medical Test Fear

The MRI. I know, I know. I’ll schedule it soon. Enough said. I think I had to write it here, to make sure it gets done eventually.

Empty Nest

And last, the empty nest that’s coming. Well, at least I won’t have to wander around my house with memories in every room. We’re moving. But that doesn’t change that once I drive away from my daughter’s dorm, everything about our lives will change. Yes, tears slide down my cheeks as I write this. The tears are not concern for my daughter’s success. I know she will revel in new friendships, new experiences, and new learning. I don’t know if she’ll call.

And I don’t know what our lives will look like after we sell our house. I don’t know where we’ll live while our new house is being built or how often my kids will come home to that new house because their childhood friends will be three hours away. I don’t know that my friends will remember me and keep in touch.

I do know I’m excited to take this new adventure on with my partner and friend—my husband. It will be stressful, it already is. There will be more tears (me) and definitely some yelling (him), but we will get through it. Together.

I know this because everyone feels small standing on the beach as they look out at the ocean. I can’t control what I can’t control. All I can do is wake up each day, grateful that I’m here, and move forward.

In two weeks, I will be at the beach celebrating my father-in-law’s eighty-fifth birthday. I’m eager to be trapped in a house watching my five- and seven-year-old niece and nephew interact with my eighteen- and twenty-year-old daughter and son. I really am. But today, right now, I’m most looking forward to feeling my toes sink into the sand, admiring the ocean and reminding myself that everyone feels small beside the ocean, and there are many, many things I can’t control and I don’t have to.

Thanks, Allison Larkin, this is one great line.

If you can relate to this great line, I’d love to hear from you! Please scroll down and leave a comment.

If you’d like to read more about The People We Keep, click here.

If you’d like to read about me, and why I started this blog, click here.