This great line from City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert reminded me how much I rely on the female friendships in my life—especially now, as Covid-19 has forced us to stay at home and find new ways to connect.

The book takes place in the 1940’s. Those were different times, women wore hats and gloves and were meant to get married and have a family, and careers outside secretarial pools were rare. In that world, it made more sense to think women would be comfortable when men weren’t around. Today, although we certainly have more choices and our roles are no longer defined as narrowly, I still find I very much enjoy my female-only gatherings, where I can “just be.”  

Gatherings of the Girls

The times I gather with the women in my life, those moments are self-prescribed therapy, they keep me sane. These are women who accept me just as I am, even if that’s in my pjs, no makeup, not showered and with my hair in its perpetual messy bun. I know these gatherings wouldn’t be the same, if men were around. For one thing, I’d feel obligated to wear a bra.

Happy Hour

In my weekly happy hour with my neighbor we socially distance ourselves and chat through the fence that separates our yards. We wouldn’t talk about the same things, if our husbands were at our sides. It would still be fun, but it wouldn’t be the same.

Virtual Gatherings

My girls weekend friends, my “Queen Bees”—it was so nice seeing most of you over zoom last week—and it’s not just because if the guys were there, we wouldn’t be able to talk about them. Sometimes a gal just needs to be with her gals.

The book club I attended last month via zoom, I don’t know what that would look like if we had a male member. It’s never happened and I’m not really interested in finding out. My daily phone calls and virtual lunches—my gab sessions with my girlfriends—those are prerequisites for good health. There are things women are more comfortable talking about when men aren’t around, and I like it that way. 

Evolution

These ladies in my life listen and understand in ways I thought only a woman can. But then I realized that maybe in 2020, we have evolved. Maybe our successful gatherings have nothing to do with gender.  Simply gathering with people that love and support you, whether they are men or women or both, maybe that is the key.

I thought of this as my husband took his quarantine inspired 5:00 zoom call with his fraternity brothers from college. They are staying connected and supportive of each other during this difficult time, and it’s beautiful. These guys look each other in eye, talk and laugh and “just be.”  

We need to have the right people in our lives. People who encourage and accept us, listen and love us, those are the people that let us “just be.”

Surround Yourself

So, even though I’m not giving up my girl time any time soon, no matter how you gather together, men, women, separate or apart, make sure to surround yourself with people that let you be you. I’m damn glad I’ve got those people in my life, thanks ya’ll – I hope you know who you are.

Thanks, Elizabeth Gilbert, this is one great line.

If you can relate to this great line, I’d love to hear from you! Please scroll down and leave a comment.

If you’d like to read more about City of Girls click here.

If you’d like to read about me and why I started this blog click here.