Ride the wave. I loved this line from Charmaine Wilkerson’s debut novel, Black Cake. The character in the book stretches beyond the literal meaning of these three little words. He tells an audience, “Ride the wave. And if you don’t see any good waves coming your way, you need to go looking. Don’t ever stop looking!” A huge YES to this—it’s an idea that needs reminding, at least for me. Yes, I want to take advantage of any wave I find myself riding, but it’s even more important that I go looking for the next one, and that I keep looking.

Take a chance. Try something new. Be uncomfortable. Tell the world what I have to offer. This might be the most challenging one of all. “I am a writer,” is hard for me to say. I often say it with a bit of an apology or question in my voice, as if I’m not sure or I don’t believe it. But in my new essay coaching business, when people ask how I’m qualified to do this work, I have to say, I AM A WRITER.

Best Job I’ve Ever Had

So far, the work has been extremely rewarding. Not all the students I meet with (I offer a free initial consultation) choose to work with me, but the ones that I have worked with amaze me. Helping them find the right words to represent who they are, what they feel, what they value—after most sessions, I close my laptop and say out loud, “this is the best job I’ve ever had.”

My most recent student particularly reminded me to continue the search for good waves. She was very sure she was going to be accepted to her early decision Ivy League level choice for college. Deferred and heartbroken, rather than wait for that acceptance email or settle for a school she knew she would get into, she decided to apply to an extensive list of schools to widen her chances. In the space of about two weeks, she would need to rewrite the 650-word essay that goes to every school and write at least two supplemental essays for each of the ten schools she would apply to. It was a challenge…for both of us.

Struggling to Connect

A student with perfect test scores, excellent grades, and impressive extracurriculars—any school would be lucky to have her. However, she struggled to find a topic she felt showed how special she was. I hoped to help her understand that her goal was not as much to “stand out,” as it was to “stick with.” These essays, like a good book, need to connect with readers in ways they will remember. The topic is secondary to that connection.

We worked for seventeen hours together and four days before her deadline she thanked me for the advice on the supplemental essays but with someone else’s help, she went a different direction on the 650-word essay.

I lost some sleep over it. What could I have done differently to help her understand my perspective? Had I given her the wrong advice? Should I not be doing this work? I asked for a copy of what she would submit, and I’m thankful she sent it to me. Although well written and organized, the essay, for me, didn’t make the emotional connection I thought it needed. I lost a little more sleep and even had a colleague review her original essay, our revised one and the one she submitted.

Lessons from a Student

Then I realized it wasn’t about me at all. Of course, I felt better that my colleague understood my perspective, but more importantly, I learned I wouldn’t feel successful with every student and that is okay. If this eighteen-year-old girl, under tremendous pressure, could continue to believe in herself and push forward no matter what, I surely needed to do the same.  

I love the work I’m doing, this new wave I’ve found. But like the ocean, my experiences will rise and fall. I get to be strong enough to pick myself up, get back on my surfboard, find the good waves, and search for meaning in the not so good ones. 

Thanks, Charmaine Wilkerson, this is one great line.

If you’d like to read more about Black Cake, click here.

If you’d like to read about me, click here.