This great line, from Friends and Strangers by J. Courtney Sullivan, stopped me on the page. It’s a laugh out loud way to describe a good marriage and I’ve had this very thought tinkling around my brain for the last twenty years.

My marriage is far from perfect, it can be messy and noisy and difficult. But it is also sweet and funny and secure. I’ve never met another person I’d rather partner up with than the guy I’m sharing my life with.

Of course, there are days when it seems easier to be on my own, to not have to consider someone else’s feelings or needs, but that doesn’t make me want to trade in my current husband for a new one.

 Is the Grass Greener?

Years ago, when I visited a single friend of mine who adopted two baby girls, my two little ones were a grenade to my marriage. Everything was a struggle. My husband and I had opposite ideas on how to raise our children. He’s too harsh, I’m too soft. With a lack of sleep and no time or desire for intimacy, we were in a dark place. And so, I envied my friend. She got to make all the decisions on her own, no compromising, no arguing. I thought it would be easier to be with a different person or with no one at all. When I told her how I felt, she said, “Yeah, and I have no one to share the blame for my wrong decisions. It’s all on me.”  Neither of us had the perfect family. As far as having perfect relationships and what makes them successful? I’m learning that depends on who you ask.

Defining Relationships

The other day, a friend of mine shared with me her frustration about feeling like her husband didn’t “have her back.” I couldn’t understand how she would continue in a relationship without having the support of the man in her life, without him “having her back.” She wasn’t questioning her love for him. She just needed to talk through her feelings and her explanation that everyone defines relationships differently, shocked and surprised me. She asserted that people can get emotional support outside of, as opposed to within, the confines of their romantic relationships and that was okay with her.

Get What You Need

If two people share their lives and get what they need from each other, I have no judgement for how they find happiness together. However, it never occurred to me that there was more than one way to define a relationship, a marriage. Now I understand that the ingredients I need to be happy might not be the same as what’s on someone else’s list.

Our conversation brought me back to this great line: “Maybe the definition of a happy marriage was simply not wishing you were married to anyone’s husband but your own.” I suppose a happy marriage should start with not wishing to marry someone else, and as it evolves, it’s useful to continue to not want to be married to someone’s else’s spouse. But I’m not sure that would be the only thing to keep a marriage together.

Honey, I’ve Got Your Back

My husband and I are vastly different—my glass half full, his half empty; I’m sloppy, he’s neat; he follows directions; I take short-cuts; and he likes action/horror television and films while I prefer romance, drama and comedy (we watch a little of both together).

The area where we don’t differ is our encouragement of each other. There is never any question for me—he has my back—and that unconditional support is a key component on the list of what I need for us to “work.” Twenty-four years since our first date, and there’s no one I’d rather spend Saturday night with. Honey, I’ve got your back. No one else’s husband looks good to me. Congratulations to us, we’re happily married.

Thanks, J. Courtney Sullivan, this is one great line.

If you can relate to this great line, I’d love to hear from you! Please scroll down and leave a comment.

If you’d like to read more about Friends and Strangers click here.

If you’d like to read about me and why I started this blog click here