This great line from Julietta Henderson’s uplifting debut novel, The Funny Thing About Norman Foreman, made me think that “niceness” does not encapsulate my personality. I’m not being self-deprecating when I say “nice” is not the first impression people get from me. Then again, maybe that depends on how I define “nice.”

Nice To Meet You

When I meet someone new, if I think of them later as, “nice,” I’m usually describing a person who seems social and sunny, someone who leaves me with the impression that they don’t have an adversarial or critical bone in their body. That’s not me. Of course, I can be friendly, but I’m typically not the person to start conversations or introduce myself to strangers. Once someone gets me talking though, I don’t shy away from controversial topics and am comfortable giving my opinion, perhaps even before being asked. So, yeah, “nice” isn’t how I think people usually describe me. Dependable, yes, but also emotional, impatient, opinionated and introverted. I enjoy being nice, but it may be more of a “nurture” than a “nice.”

Nurture or Nice

On one of our first dates, I openly scoffed and sneered at a family whose raucous children screamed and whined as we walked into a restaurant. My husband thought I didn’t like children and worried that I wouldn’t want any. I wanted children (three), but I couldn’t help showing my feelings all over my face. That side of me my husband has learned to live with, but he fell in love with the nurturing side of me when I ran after him, in my pajamas, out into the parking lot, waving the bagful of strawberries he had forgotten on the kitchen counter. That’s the day he knew he wanted to marry me. One thing that attracted me to him was his huge circle of friends from high school and college. To me, that meant he was a thoughtful and nice person—he is.  

Stranger Danger

So, it’s not surprising that as we recently stood in a long, winding line at one of the most famous sites in Florence, Italy, (The Duomo) we shared an experience that reminded me of the “nice” line I had read the night before in this book. Two women approached us and asked, “We heard you speaking English. How long have you been waiting?” We were almost at the front of the line and told them we had waited about forty minutes. They said, “oh that’s too bad, we really wanted to go inside, but our cruise ship is leaving soon, we won’t be able to wait.” As they walked away, I said to my husband, “they look so disappointed. We should have let them join us.” I didn’t have the courage to do anything, but my husband immediately stepped out of line and went after the women. 

My mouth hung open when he came back, one arm around a stranger, loudly telling her and her companion, “we’ve been waiting for you, you almost missed it!” When I followed his lead, put my hand on her arm and chastised them for being late, we all laughed. I don’t think anyone around us spoke English or our charade would have failed as they heard us exchanging pleasantries about where we were from in the states and what we were doing in Italy. We waited together for a few minutes and then went our separate ways to explore the historic cathedral. When they thanked us three times, I thought, “yes, it is so nice to be nice.” This is the type of niceness I aspire to—simple acts where I expect and gain nothing in return.

No Politics at the Dinner Table

And then, while my mind perused the subject of “nice,” I couldn’t help thinking about American politics. I’m saddened and terrified that we have become a culture where we don’t know how to agree to disagree. Months ago, I was texting with an old friend from college and when we got on the topic of living far away from our children, she said if BLANK becomes president, I may just leave the country. We have recently reconnected and don’t know each other well enough to know each other’s politics, but I couldn’t help texting back to her, “hmm, well, I might feel the same if BLANK doesn’t win—can we agree to disagree?”

I wasn’t sure what my friend would text back, if at all, but she said, “Yes, we can do that!” and I was so relieved. How people don’t speak to, or lie, to the people they love because of how they vote, I’ll never understand. Surely there is a way to respect each other’s views and value our relationships over politics. 

On this Thanksgiving Day, as we head into a holiday season that boasts hope, light, peace and love, I’m hoping people sit around the table, agree to disagree, and realize just how nice is to be nice.

Thanks, Julietta Henderson, this is one great line.

If you’d like to read more about The Funny Thing about Norman Foreman click here.

If you’d like to read about me, click here.