In The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo, the mother of four daughters says this great line in her mind as she thinks about her eldest daughter. This is exactly what it can be like to raise children, whether it’s one or four, or in my case two. Whoever coined the phrase “little kids, little challenges, big kids, big challenges,” was visionary, or maybe just an experienced parent. 

Parenting 101

In the past year, I have definitely experienced big kid challenges with my two teenagers. As a parent, stepping back and allowing my children to make their own choices should be a natural part of the evolution of our relationship. And yet, sometimes it’s extremely difficult to do. Pleasure and despair surge through me as I watch my children toddle around in their new independent shoes. Every moment is almost always coupled with concern for their potential failures and disappointments.

Firsts

My daughter’s firsts this past year: high school parties, Ubers, getting in cars with newly licensed friends, learning to drive, flying domestically without an adult, her first job and making decisions when presented with conflicting opportunities. It’s been exhausting. When she cried, I cried with her. She was in turmoil and while it was frustrating that I couldn’t change things for her, I also knew it was right for her to ultimately make the decisions for herself.

My son’s firsts this past year: first job, (applying, interviewing and working), writing college essays, applying to college, getting accepted, choosing a college and finding his first girlfriend. Add to that mix, a child who has never been comfortable doing new things. With the irony of only new things on his horizon, it’s a wonder neither of us have a drinking problem. Sometimes it seems as if my hands are tied behind my back and all I can do is watch him stumble along the rocky path.

Quarantine

And now, we are quarantined. My son is missing his senior year milestones and his girlfriend. My daughter missed a school trip, will most likely miss her 8^th annual dance recital as well as getting her driver’s license on her birthday. Their 16^th and 18^th birthdays will fall within four days of each other in the next week. I feel bad for them, of course I do, and somehow, it’s my job to make the days special.  It’s agonizing, but “we’re safe and healthy” has become my mantra.

All You Need Is Love

My brother-in-law and his family stayed with us a few weeks ago just before the coronavirus took hold of all our lives. One of the things we will remember most is my five-year-old nephew’s precocious habit of telling his parents he loved them. Sitting at the dinner table, in the pool, in the car, in the middle of any activity, my nephew would stop what he was doing and sweetly say, “I love you da-da or I love you mama.”

Now, we say it to our kids, more than we have since they were little. It started as a joke. Yet feeling my children’s great despair, intermingled with whatever pleasure they can find, expressing our love for one another seems like a very important thing.

So, to M & M, remember, mama loves you. She feels your pain, she wishes you joy and she knows you are both strong enough to get through this unusual time in our history. Thanks Claire Lombardo, this is one great line! 

If you can relate to this great line, I’d love to hear from you! Please scroll down and leave a comment.

If you’d like to read more about The Most Fun We Ever Had click here.

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