This great line is from Patrick Ryan’s historical novel exploring the intertwined lives, secrets, and complex marriagaes of two couples. I didn’t love the book. It was long and sad. It was also well written, and the characters stayed with me. This line hit me where I needed it to, just when I needed it. And that’s why I read.

I know it’s normal for a woman my age (I like to say “in my fifties”) to ponder her purpose in life as my perspective teeters and wobbles all over the place. I mean, do they still call menopause “the change?” Whether its adjusting to an empty nest, children returning to live at home after college, or a first grandchild, everyone I know my age is going through a lot of “change.” We also have bodies and faces morphing so gradually, it’s almost as if we’re not supposed to notice, until we wake up one morning a bit unrecognizable to ourselves. So, yeah, we women of a certain age get to experience a whole lot of change.

Saying Yes

I guess that’s what made me react so strongly to this sentence. In the last year, heavy thoughts revolved not just around surgery recovery, but all the other little things that make up my day-to-day existence. With unexplainable body aches, weight gain, wrinkles and the disappearance of my jaw line, two grown kids home for the summer at the same time for the first time in six years, how to grow my business, and even whether to publish my writings, I’ve spent more time lost in self-pity than I want to admit. So, in the past few months, it’s surprised me that I’ve found myself saying “yes” to things I never thought I would. It feels like I’m letting the world point me in directions that will keep me growing and learning and happy.

I was sitting at a lecture/luncheon when the speaker asked if anyone had any special skills they would share at a summer camp for kids. I have no idea what made me say yes. When I emailed later that afternoon that I could teach a cooking class focusing on healthy ingredients, the enthusiasm they had for my ideas reminded me of why I volunteered. The kids were excited and honest, and I’ll never forget the delight in their eyes when they tasted spinach and carrot chocolate muffins and used artful eyes to make “garden” pizzas. Comments from like, “you’re the best cooker,” and “cooking is my favorite thing about camp,” made every challenge and failure worth it.

Good Morning Deer

I’ve also said yes to exercise every day. Yes, every day. I’ve always been a three day a week gym person. Even in my home exercise routine, I’d look forward to the non-work-out days I purposefully scheduled. Yet somehow for the past three months, I’m dragging myself out of bed, just as the sun rises, so it’s not so hot, and I’m walking at a brisk 3.5 mph, between three and four miles every day. If I don’t make it out in the morning, I’ll walk in the evening. Once I’m out there, I enjoy it almost as much as my dog does. I whisper a soft good morning to the deer and the bunnies and even the alligators we encounter. I’m reminded that I’m blessed to get to wake up and walk and breathe in the beauty around me. Exercising every day is as unrecognizable to me as the person looking quizzically back at me in the mirror each morning. But it feels like a good thing.

Surfs Up Dude

And then I surprised everyone who knows me, including myself, by saying yes to a surfing and wellness retreat in Costa Rica. I’m the most unadventurous person I know. I don’t try new things, including food and sports activities. I tried skiing once. My kids were little, and I figured if they could do it, so could I. When I slipped and fell as we headed to the slopes, I got my money back and went to the spa for the rest of the trip. I ride a spin bike (twice a week) in my garage for a reason. I’m not very coordinated. When we were kids, my siblings water-skied and played tennis. I read. Small, skinny, and shy, I was always picked last for teams in PE class and at camp.

I don’t know what made me say yes to surfing lessons, but I’m going with the intention of enjoying the experience, meeting new people and not ruining the surf school’s 100% success rate. I just have to find a new bathing suit.

The world is bringing me back to a perspective that reminds me of what’s important. I’ll keep searching for the perfect face serum that slows the markings of time mapping across my face. I’m smiling more at the me I see in the mirror. She is the boldest and strongest she has ever been, wrinkles and all. She’ll figure out what path she’s meant to take. One morning walk at a time.

Thanks, Patrick Ryan, this is one great line.

If you’d like to read more about Buckeye click here.

If you’d like to read about me, click here.