One week after I read this great line in Laura Spence-Ash’s debut novel, Beyond That, the Sea, my thoughts turned to our almost thirteen-year-old canine family member. As we helped Artie pass peacefully, in our home, on his favorite bed, I remembered how I’ve always loved “making it all okay” for my children, both canine and human.  

Not that it’s easy. Dog (or cat or ferret or hamster) people will understand. Watching our Artie suffer brought a heavy pain to my chest. I needed to make it all okay, and it’s a privilege I am thrilled to have had.

Impossible Choices

Beyond That, the Sea, shares the story of a young English girl sent to live safely with an American family during World War II. It’s hard to imagine sending my child across the world into the home of strangers. For five years, mother and daughter communicated via letters that took weeks to receive. With no ability to share a smile or hear each other’s voices, they lived apart in the harsh reflection of war. Again, their separation was inconceivable to me, especially now, as my daughter studies in Italy and we FaceTime almost every day. Reading about bombs dropping from the sky, I wondered about the choices I would make—because when I get the chance to make things okay for my children it really is one of the best parts of motherhood.

Mourning

I cried for two days after we heard Artie’s cancer diagnosis, and I cried for two days after he was gone. My eyes tear up when I think about him and when I tell someone we lost him. I still hear his nails on the tile and his snoring in his sleep. His presence keeps me company in the middle of the night, in the spot where he slept next to my bed. I can’t stop thinking about this line because I feel blessed to have made it all okay for our Artie.

On his last day, he couldn’t walk. I took on his weight and helped him outside—a gentleman to the end—he refused to have an accident in the house. He was an anxiety ridden, endlessly energetic, food motivated, handsome dog with thirty-seven nicknames, (we kept a list) and even when he barked, panted, paced and cried at two in the morning at the smallest rumbles of thunder, I loved him. And now that he’s gone, I realized making it all okay was the best part of mothering him.

Making his favorite foods, letting him jump on me with his “Wheatin Greetin,” drying him off after his fourth swim of the morning, hosing his mouth out after his persistent and successful hunting—frogs, rats, lizards, iguanas, chickens—whatever dared to wander into his yard. Artie followed me from room to room, ignoring my husband (unless he opened the refrigerator) and waited by the door or slept in my bed when I wasn’t home. I realize now that he loved me most because I made life okay for him. It was an honor.

Mama Bear Instincts

For my human children, it was easy to make things okay for them when they were little. A hug, a treat, a song, one more bedtime story—all could make everything right again. Now that they are young adults, it’s not so simple. And I know it shouldn’t be. It’s not my job anymore. They need to figure out how to make things okay for themselves. But oh, when they call and ask for help, a primal thrill ripples through me! Again, it’s an honor.

And it may be odd that this great line led me to think about my dog before my children. But isn’t that the beauty of climbing into a book? I never know how I will feel about what I read. This one poked me straight in the heart. 

Thanks, Laura Spence-Ash, this is one great line.

If you’d like to read more about Beyond That, the Sea click here.

If you’d like to read about me, click here.