I don’t think of myself as a person who makes friends easily. I don’t like parties or crowds. I usually turn away from, instead of towards, people I don’t know. So, this line from The Many Daughters of Afong Moy by Jamie Ford—”strangers are the people we forgot we needed in this life,” jumped off the page. I remembered these words when I met the nicest stranger at Trader Joe’s the other day.

Thoughtful Strangers

The woman bagging my groceries asked, “Do you mind if your bags are heavy?” Mind blown. Yes, thank you, I do mind if the bags are heavy. Then she asked if it was okay if my thermal bags didn’t close. Omigod, I thought, am I being punked? Is this the most thoughtful grocery bagger on the planet? Yes, I do mind if they don’t close—leaving them unzipped defeats the purpose of using a thermal bag for my cold items. Wait, there’s more.

Next, as she bagged my coffee beans, she asked me if I had my own grinder. She wanted to make sure I knew I bought beans instead of coffee grounds. And last, when the cashier tolled the infamous Trader Joe’s bell to call a supervisor, it rang in the person’s ear standing in line behind me. Julie, my new favorite Trader Joe’s employee, immediately apologized and jokingly said, “you got your wake-up call today, didn’t you?”

Julie was thoughtful, empathetic, and kind—all traits a former corporate trainer like me wishes every student had. She was just a stranger doing her job well, but I left Trader Joe’s imagining what it would be like to be her friend. That made me think about how I had moved to a new area and again, how I don’t consider myself a social person who makes friends easily.

Yes, I’m an introvert.

My mother, with her bright smile, impeccably trendy outfits and always ready for a party attitude, did not pass those genes on to me. In my family, I’m known for pouting or crying at most of my childhood birthday parties. I wanted to read in my room rather than go to summer camp, youth groups or other social outings my mother insisted I attend. Having forced my introverted son to do the same, I get it now. It was good for me. Thanks, Mom.

One of the first things I found attractive about my husband when we met was his strong connection to his college fraternity brothers. I’d never met anyone so bonded to a group of people who started as strangers. These now middle-aged men are still silly, perverted boys who will never grow up and they love each other with a strength and resolve that many blood-born siblings never have. I didn’t have that experience in my college sorority. Although, my good friend and pledge sister, a now retired gynecologist, delivered my children. That was pretty damn special. 

I don’t have one group of friends from a specific phase of my life. From school, previous jobs, gym class, and my children’s schools, I have strong, funny, trustworthy women in my life that I can count on. I believe I am a great friend once someone pursues my friendship. However, when I meet someone new, I’m never the one to reach out first to engage in a relationship.

Now, I’ve moved away from all my friends. For the first time in my life, not only do I want to establish new friendships, but I feel I can do it (even without a built-in way to meet people, as I don’t have a traditional job or young children).   

Embracing Uncomfortable

So, I’m stretching.

I recently reached out to a sorority sister who I hadn’t seen in over thirty-five years. We now live about an hour from each other. Fear of I don’t know what held me back from calling.  So, the day before I knew I would be in the area, I texted her (subconsciously thinking she wouldn’t be free). She was free. We met for coffee. It was great to see her. It may seem silly to anyone without fear of uncomfortable social interactions, but for me, this was a milestone.

A few days ago, I stretched myself some more.

I saw a Facebook post from a woman, new to the area, asking if anyone else had a student heading to the same college as her son. She seemed like someone I would have things in common with (yes, I stalked her a little on Facebook), so I messaged her and asked if she wanted to meet for lunch. We exchanged phone numbers and messages and even if we never meet, I’m extremely proud of myself.

Who am I? I guess I’m becoming a person who’s recognized there are people out there I haven’t met yet that I may need in my life. People who I can learn from. I’m now a person interested in turning a stranger into a friend.  

Thanks Jamie Ford, this is one great line!

If you’d like to read more about The Many Daughters of Afong Moy, click here.

If you’d like to read about me, click here.