The character in Steven Rowley’s book, The Guncle, unexpectedly gains guardianship of his young niece and nephew for the summer. His advice, “normal is a terrible thing to aspire to, aim higher,” isn’t surprising—he is a once famous gay man who achieved success by being anything but normal.

When I read this line, questions danced in my head. What is “normal?” Am I normal? Do I want to be? If I’m normal, can I not also be unique? Is it possible to be both?

Normal is…

For this post, I define “normal” as how we match ourselves to the way society looks and acts. Normal is fitting in and isn’t life easier for people who fit in? Don’t people deemed as “different” struggle to find their way? Isn’t it human nature to question, judge, or fear anything or anyone that is different? People who are “different” have little choice in grappling with this challenge.

So, as a parent I want to spare my children that struggle. I want them to fit in. I want them to be normal. But, like most parents, I see things in my children that make them unique. No one is exactly like them, and I want them to embrace and explore what makes them different. I want them not to do what everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it. Can we be normal and unique at the same time?

Fitting In

I want to fit in. But I also want to accomplish something exceptional, and it seems a good way to do that is to step outside norms and welcome the obstacles success often stems from.

Hmmm. Maybe it’s the labels “normal” and “special” I’m wrestling with. As I researched this, I came across this quote from lecturer and author, Brenè Brown: “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” YES.

Aiming Higher

My daughter recently wrote her college essay about her how she straightened her hair so she would look like everyone else. She literally struggled for years with her medusa-like mane of curls, but it was a proud mama moment when she realized she didn’t like that blending in—she wanted to stand out, be different, find her own style. She’s aiming higher.  

My son doesn’t understand why his friends enjoy going to crowded clubs—he’s not interested in smashing against strangers amidst loud music and drunk people. He’s looking to make connections in ways that the typical partying college student might not comprehend. He’s aiming higher.

And me? I’m writing. And even as self-doubt creeps in every day, I know it’s not something everyone can do and I’m going to keep doing it. I’m aiming higher.

Perhaps this is the idea written between the lines of The Guncle’s advice. If normal is becoming who you need to be to be accepted, then yes, aim higher. Aim to belong to a community that requires you to be who are, whoever that may be. YES.

Thanks, Steven Rowley, this is one great line.

If you can relate to this great line, I’d love to hear from you! Please scroll down and leave a comment.

If you’d like to read more about The Guncle, click here.

If you’d like to read about me, and why I started this blog, click here.